Wizpire: A PotterCullen Fanfic
by FairyTaleNightmare
Summary: Wizards Vampires Wizpire Fanfic! Harry and Edward meet, and Potter is late for a double date. Edward is trying to figure out who/what he is, but when he does, it seems there is only enough room for one mythical human-like creature in this town.
1. Chapter 1: Meet and Greet

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer and JK Rowling own the playground, I just play in it. ^^ **

**Chapter 1**

Edward walked down the busy London streets, chuckling to himself about the petty problems humans seemed to have. Ah… a lost dog, a marriage proposal gone wrong and… what's this? Edward walked towards the source of the voice and saw a boy about his age standing by a brick wall. He had untidy jet black hair that stuck up at the ends (Edward envies this, for no matter how much product he puts into his hair, it never has that much volume) and round glasses framing his shocking emerald eyes. He had a peculiar scar which was half hidden by his fringe of hair. It looked like a lightning bolt.

_Crap, which brick is it? Crap, crap, crap, Hermione's going to kill me! What was it, 3rd brick to the left? But which row? Maybe I can just try some random ones… I might get lucky. Ha! Me? Lucky? Well, there's a first for everything._

He looked around as he stuck a hand in his jean pocket, and then stopped.

_Why is there a creep staring at me? Greeeat, I can't try any of them now. No, wait, bigger problem! There's a creep staring at me! Why did he just laugh? No one made a joke! What the heck? Is his skin… sparkling? Why does his skin sparkle? Is it makeup? Is he gay? His pants are awfully tight… wait! Is he going to rape me?! Crap, Ginny will kill me… _

Wow, paranoid little boy. He turned around and looked me right in the eye and said –

"Please don't rape me."

Seeing the amused look on my face, he quickly corrected himself.

"I mean – who are you?"

This should be fun.

"Hi. I'm Edward. No, I am not wearing makeup. I am most definitely not gay, I just like my pants tight. And don't worry, I won't rape you."

The look on his face was priceless as he thought through the list of possibilities.

_What IS he? Maybe it was just a lucky guess? That's not legilimency… that's only for memories, not thoughts... Is he one of us? Or is he… something else? _

What does he mean 'one of us'? And what's legilimency? Edward was burning with curiosity, for he's very used to being the know-it-all and doesn't appreciate competition.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked.

_Crap… I have to think of a cover story. I mean, I can't just come out and say 'Hey, yeah, I'm trying to find the right brick to tap so that I can find the magical – wait! I got it! The perfect story!_

What is he talking about? The magical what? Is he bonkers?

"I'm trying to find the key for my house. My mom said she hid it behind one of these bricks, but I can't figure out which one it is."

"That's curious, because it doesn't explain why you're just standing there looking at it. A normal person would be trying as many bricks as possible."

_Sheesh, annoying… Who died and made you Dr. Phil anyways?_

"For your information I make an excellent therapist. Plus, I have great hair." Edward slid a hand through his hair. Oh shoot, it's stuck. I knew I should've stopped at 5 pumps of gel… Oh, I'll just stand here and look cool… no one needs to know my hand is stuck in my hair…

_What is he doing? It looks like his hand is stuck in his hair._

Shoot. That didn't work.

"I feel bad for you; you can't get into your house. I won't rest until I help you find that key!" Edward said, stomping his foot on the ground for dramatic effect.

_Oh crap… I'm late for sure. Why won't this creep leave me alone?_

Edward was getting sick of this boy's attitude, but he needed to know what he was talking about when he said 'magical…' and 'legilimency' and 'one of us' and 'tap the brick'. And while he was at it he may as well find out who Hermione and Ginny were and also what he was late for. Edward also realized that he didn't even know the boy's name.

"What's your name?"

_Should I say my real name? Uh…_

"Neville Longbottom."

What kind of a name is that?

"Well Neville, let's start looking, shall we?" Edward said in a falsely cheerful voice. He plastered a smile on his face and strode towards the brick wall.

_Hermione's going to kill me…_

**A/N: I will post another chapter soon, please review. Any feedback is treasured. :) Merry Boxing Day!**


	2. Chapter 2: More Questions?

_**A/N: I uploaded another chapter! I know this isn't very good, but please bear with me, it gets better! By the way, I can't change the font on fanfiction so Edward's "writing" looks normal, but it's supposed to be very swirly and loopy and feminine. C=**_

_Why won't this pedophile LEAVE ME ALONE?!_

Edward chuckled at Neville's mental roar.

"What're you laughing at?" he asked, annoyance painted plainly on his face.

"Oh nothing…" Edward said, smirking silently to himself.

_He's so weird… Crap, I'm already half an hour late… Hermione is SO going to kill me…Ginny might too…_

Suddenly an image of a girl came into his mind. She was pretty, not extraordinary in any way, but very average. She reminded Edward of Bella, but there were huge differences between them. Bella was always gentle, needing assistance a lot of the time, just like a lamb, he thought to himself. This girl, Ginny, however, had strength imbibed in her; you could see the fire simmering in her eyes. This girl was independent. Also, he had come to think that the lust he felt for Bella was "love", but with the mental image came an emotion so strong and powerful it made Edward wonder if maybe, just maybe, he doesn't love Bella as much as he thought he did, and maybe, just maybe, she doesn't love him back. Another thought from "Neville" cut through Edward's thoughts.

_And I even got the ring too… and so did Ron… and they're all waiting for me… Hermione's going to KILL me…but she doesn't know what Ron and I had planned…so she might not be as cruel when she's murdering me… I fought the 'dark lord' and I swear, he's not even half as scary as Hermione… god, remember those birds she set on Ron? I'm dead…_

Edward had even more questions and so far, no answers. It may be time to take a different approach.

"I can read your thoughts." Edward said ominously, trying to be as spooky and dramatic as possible.

_He looks like Professor Trelawney…_

Edward sighed. Who were these people he kept mentioning in his head? And what kind of a name is Trelawney? Then again… his name is Neville… and I thought my name was old fashioned.

"You can, can you? Why don't you show me?" Neville challenged.

'Alright, how?" Edward asked.

"I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 1 billion. What number am I thinking?" Neville said.

_There's no way he'll get this. Alright, I'll pick… 21 486 205 and 18/63. _

"Twenty one million four hundred eighty six thousand two hundred and five…" Edward said.

"Wrong," Neville started to say, but Edward cut him off.

" – and… eighteen sixty-thirds."

_How… what… but… he shouldn't… this isn't… is he… no… he sparkles… he's never been to Hogwarts… or Durmstrang…and I'm pretty sure he doesn't go to Beauxbatons… but I don't think he's one of us… I mean… I'm just getting a really bad vibe off of this guy. He still has his hand in his hair. It's been half an hour! I seriously think his hand is stuck in his hair…_

What the…? Edward thought. He sighed. Again with the sparkles. Can't a century year old man sparkle without having to deal with all of this nonsense? And what the heck is Hogwarts? Durmstrang? Beauxbatons? That's French for… beautiful sticks? Alrighty… weird.

"You're right," Neville sighed.

"Huh? About what?" Edward asked, confused.

"The number… between 1 and 1 billion… and the mind reading… does any of this ring a bell?" Neville asked.

"Oh, yes. Do you believe me now?" Edward asked. Neville nodded his head and Edward continued.

"Now, I have some questions to ask you. I have written them on this paper. "

Edward handed Neville a piece of paper entitled:

Edward's Question Sheet

"Dude… is this really your writing? It looks like a girl's." Neville asked, trying to hold in his laughter (and failing quite miserably).

"Just answer the damn quiz." Edward growled.

"Fine. Don't get your granny panties in a twist." Neville said, smirking.

It's okay, Edward thought to himself, nearly in tears. You are a hot guy, you aren't that old. You don't look that old! YOU ARE FROZEN IN YOUR SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD PERFECTION! As he began to hyperventilate, Neville began to read.

**A/N**: **I hope you enjoyed this! I will post more as soon as possible. Meanwhile, please check out my poll for my new story. I'm not sure what to write and feedback would be helpful. Please review! Have a fun winter holidays... school in a week. ." Great...**


	3. Chapter 3: Unicorns and PinkBerries

**A/N: Sorry this took so long to upload, I've been buried under a pile of homework and barely made it out with my life. :) It's a short one, but Edward is pretty uhm... fun in this one, so I hope you enjoy. By the way, I wanted to say that Edward had a BlackBerry, but I thought that was too normal so I made it a PinkBerry. :) Bon apetit! (I think that's a spelling error...)**

What is your real name?

**Neville Longbottom**

Who are Hermione, Ginny, Ron, the Dark Lord and Professor Trelawney?

**People I know.**

What do you mean by "one of us"?

**I mean someone who is like me and the people who I know.**

What are Hogwarts, Durmstrang and Beauxbatons?

**Nouns**

What is legilimency?

**When evil creeps mind-rape people. **

Why are you tapping bricks?

**They're sexy. **

Before Neville had even read 7), Edward had already snatched the paper away from him. As he read his answers, he began to frown and there was a crease between his eyebrows, which he pinched with his thumb and forefinger.

"I expected real answers!" Edward shouted.

"Those are real answers." Neville replied, smiling angelically.

With a (slightly feminine) roar, Edward tore the paper in half.

"Do you think this is funny?" he exclaimed.

"Yes." Neville replied, still smiling angelically.

The youth of today… what have they come to? I'll just have to take a more subtle approach I guess. Trying to reason with this guy is like trying to explain to Mike Newton that Bella isn't his girlfriend. Annoying yet, kind of fun.

"Alright, if you're going to be silly then this is a waste of my time," Edward said in the most disapproving tone he could muster. He strolled away down the sidewalk, listening to the thoughts running through Neville's head.

_YES! He's gone! I might still survive! But… gulp, I'm already 45 minutes late. There's no hope! At least the creep's gone, I have been finally rid of the sparkly male-Trelawney! Wait, that's exactly what a rapist would want me to think. And didn't he say that he was an excellent therapist? What was he hinting by that? What he really saying he was "the rapist"? Am I allowed to use magic if I'm being raped? I sure hope so…_

What is that boy talking about? Magic? Is he a fairy?! No, wait, he's a unicorn! I've always wanted my own unicorn!

Catching himself in his thoughts, Edward mumbled to himself.

"Now, now handsome, it's not time to get carried away. Let's be a grown up about this and just say that he's magic. There's no time to get distracted by unicor – woah, is that a butterfly? I want to see!" He squealed the last part out loud and began racing after the butterfly. Five minutes later, he regained composure (or as much of it as he had to begin with) and looked over at Neville again.

The problem was, Neville wasn't there anymore.

Edward swore as he pulled out his PinkBerry and punched in Bella's phone number. He began texting one-handedly (as his other was still in his hair) while occasionally shooting glances at the deserted brick wall.

To: Bella-boo

From: Eddie-pie

Subject: OMG

Hello my beautiful Bella. I can't make it for our sappy date today, I'm terribly sorry. I'm stalking a unicorn. I hope you understand. ILY – Your Eddykins

**A/N: I'm starting to believe that Edward's hand is going to be stuck in his hair for the entire story. Well, maybe this teaches him a lesson about knowing when to stop with the gel and maybe, just maybe he'll finally get introduced to something I like to call SHAMPOO. This meeting is long overdue already. :) Thanks so much for reading, review maybe? I'm going skiing in a few days so I'm going to look like a marshmallow. (Yay. .) Maybe I can ROAST marshmallows... now THERE'S an idea... xD -FTN**


	4. Chapter 4: SexyAngel69? Bleh

**A/N: Sorry, this is kind of short and very, very crappy. I was very tired, this is at about 4 in the morning. I make a reference to Kristen Stewart's acting in this chapter, I hope you get it! Oh, and check out my friend RealisticFate who writes this hilarious crossover called Ultimate Randomness. I'm in it! (I don't act that weird... well, maybe a little... or a lot... weirder?... um... let's just get on with the chapter shall we?) Baii for now, have a good morning/afternoon/evening/night/blueberry. **

Almost instantaneously, Edward recieved a text back from Bella. Wow, was she just waiting for me to text or something?

To: Eddie-pie

From: Bella-boo

Subject: Re: OMG

EDDYKINS! *gasp for air* You pr-pr-prom-promised! I-I-I-I don't-t understand-d-d! A-a-alright, I'm g-going sh-shopping with Alice-ce. I'm getting a new b-b-boyfriend. –Your sexyangel_69

Mhm, my sexy angel loves me. 69? Nice touch. Yeah... *drools*

DAMN! Where'd that unicorn go? *sigh* Life just isn't going my way, is it?

Edward sighed, it's time to go find Neville. A part of his miniscule brain thought, what's the point? His curiosity got the better of him and he went back to the brick wall.

*I pop into story, acting all narrator-esque* They always did say curiosity killed the cat, let's hope that applies for sparkly fags too.

HEY! Edward snatched in the air, but I had already disapparated. And he doesn't even know what that means. HA.

Wow, I must be going crazy, he thought. Hm... I'll just smash through this brick wall. Yeah, that'll work!

Edward's enthusiasm pumped. He was sure this would work. I mean, smashing through a brick wall, how hard could it be? He ran, braced himself for the attack and –

Crack! Ow... were vampire bones even allowed to break?

Fine, I'll just climb over it.

Surprisingly, this worked.

Edward walked into an alley that was busy with people, chattering and laughing. These people were strangely dressed (they've probably never even heard of Abercrombie & Fitch!) and had the strangest thoughts running through their minds.

_Beetle eyes, 9 sickles a pound, bloody hell!_

_I wonder if mummy will get me a new owl, what with all the noise Edgie's been making lately..._

_Wow, a Nimbus 2002! That's even faster than the Firebolt!_

_Harry! Blimey, it's Harry Potter!_

_Harry Potter, I swear I just saw Harry Potter!_

_Defeated 'e who mus' not be named, an' so young an' all, that chap has somethin' to be proud o' all righ'. _

Wow, this Harry Potter is very famous, Edward thought, slightly jealous. Suddenly, in his mind came a thought of this Harry Potter and he looked exactly like –

"Neville," Edward said under his breath.

For one crazy second Edward thought that maybe Neville was lying. Then he realised that they were probably twins and felt foolish indeed for thinking this. Then he realised that they didn't have the same last name. So he was lying.

Wow, that was a lot of thinking for poor old Eddie there (Hey, I'm not old! I'm frozen in my 17 year old perfection remember?!) but at least he came to a good solid conclusion.

Time to find my buddy _Harry_... Edward thought to himself.

As he looked around he saw the strangest shops and the most queer displays in his life. There were moon charts and magic wands and owls and frogs and lizard legs and bezoars (whatever those were) and potions and broomsticks and cauldrons and robes and parchment and quills. (Yup, no Abercrombie & Fitch) But what did this all add up to? Edward had no clue (though it was painfully obvious).

At long last, he found Nevi - Harry, sitting at a table with a red haired, freckled boy, a girl with brown bushy hair and slightly large front teeth and the girl he had seen in Harry's thoughts, the one with the same colour hair as the other boy.

Edward took a deep breath and walked towards Harry, hoping he would be treated with a bit more respect this time they met.

"I know you lied to me."

**A/N: Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuun. :) **


End file.
